hey hey, say hiz to the new blog.. =D (haha, whatever, not much ppl knows bout it anyway, =P)

first of all, i finally get to met up with my dear joyceeeee today.. miss her lahz, at least got 1 week nv meet le..

went out with lao po ytd, and going to meet up with her tml too, to get my adidas jacket! like finally.. =D being meeting lao po so frequently these days, like thrice in a week, but im not complaining, cuz she's my lao po, and lao po and lao gong should always be together de.. heez.. anyway, told her the stories of mine, and she went " wah, ur stories is so drama alike, can go film into a idol drama le, and i want more story telling" well, it all depends now whether there will still be following episodes of the story development.. *prays*

back to the stories.. so much have been going on my life recently, its really being emotions roller coaster ride.. on one side, i really really want to continue to be real close frenz with u, the times tat we can chat freely, share everything about our life, and etc.. but i have no idea y, lately, i have been holding back, i would think over wat to say, phrase my sentences to make them sound right, pick my selection of words and no longer being able to blabber out whatever that comes into my mind.. i really treasure this precious friendship, it didnt came easy.. but on the other hand, im a reckless person and straightforward too, sometimes i might juz things as i feel like it juz to vent them out, but unknowingly i have already hurt u.. the hurt and pain i have given to its not juz once, twice, or thrice or simply.. its has being over and over again.. take the game for example, i have no idea that particuler thought u had in ur mind, i was still happily enjoying the game and thinking how ur response would be, till ur frenz told me. and i teared once again.. tears are running dry, i have no idea how many times i have cried for u and seriously u are the first frenz tat ever make me cry so much.. at tat time i had really wanted to let go and dismantle the jetty myself, juz to let u break free and be released from the pain and hurt tat i had casued to u and would be causing u in the future.. i thought it thru, over and over again.. i have no idea y n the end, my heart went soft again and relented.. maybe its juz that im still not ready to let go of this friendship.. im really sorry for wat i had brought to u, really apologetic, my decision may not always be right, thus bringing along with all these misery.. maybe one day when im really ok to let go, i would really let u go, and u wun be able to find me anymore.. i would juz mysteriously juz vanish from ur life.. till then, juz let me continue leaning on u, as u know too much, much more den i would like u to know.. im really tired,need to pillar for me to lean on and get support.. so in advance, a million apologies tat wat im going to give to u in the future as i have no idea how much more dumb stuff am i going to do tat will break ur heart again.. and really.. dun scarifice so much for me, dun think of me so much, try to do without me in ur life.. cuz, im really not worth it..

and for the other one, all i wanna say is, u have bring forth a whole wave of different emotions that i had nv experienced in a long time.. and i have totally mixed emotions about it.. i have completely no idea what u are trying to do, how are u feeling and who am i to u, wat kind of position do i have in ur heart.. i seriously have no idea at all.. ur actions and ur words dun really tally all the time, i need a sign, if u want me to hold on till u are ready.. otherwise, i may really let go of it.. maybe im silly not to grasp it when its so near, but its way too uncertain for me to do anything.. and time is cruel factor in this time of situation.. so as time goes by, maybe i would really stop waiting and praying that what my frenz said are true and quit hoping that that it would come true.. i dunno how long more i would hold on to this silly little wish of me.. but i juz hope that u would do something soon for me to see and know, to let me know whether should i carry on.. otherwise, i guess tat's the end.. juz like the last time..

*maybe u really need time to think it thru, maybe im juz not the right one, thus u need to think it thru so long, maybe, there is juz no maybe of it happening....*